Stochastic Fantastic

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Recently, a professor acquaintance of mind asked me if I would be interested in speaking to a group of students in one of his classes. I immediately told him I’d have to start hiding from him.

What was that knee-jerk reaction all about?

Imposter syndrome.

I met this guy when I was working on a magazine feature, and during the course of a conversation with with him, he broached the subject of a talk by yours truly about my experience with writing – and I took that to mean baring my soul in front of journalism students.

When I met him in person after the publication of the piece, he mentioned the gracious speaking proposition again. I said I would hide from him – again.

Let me clarify: I didn’t go to journalism school. I farted around at Los Angeles City College as a music major in the early 1980s and didn’t even come away with an associate degree.

Forget the fact that I have been writing for publication for more than two decades.

The stark reality is that I hold no degree and that I have yet to be on the payroll of a newspaper.

I’m a stringer. That’s journalese for a freelancer.

My methodology is most likely not the methodology of a J-school graduate.

Like my piano playing, I am primarily self-taught – but along the way in both disciplines, I have lucked into relationships with folks who have helped me with pointers and de facto lessons.

I have written about both of these things before. For piano, it’s HERE. For writing, it’s HERE.

If I’m being honest (I always chuckle at that phrase), I have always been intimidated by trained pianists and journalists.

But the fact is that I have a body of writing that continues to grow, and I know I can play the piano and sing. I’ve been playing out for years.

My experience is nonlinear, but it’s experience nonetheless.

See what I’m doing? I’m flexing.

But I’m also scared shitless about talking in front of a group of people who might benefit from hearing my story.

I guess it’s because I don’t want to be skewered or pilloried – put into the stocks in the town square, if you will.

Self-doubt is powerful.

But I know I am able to deliver.

I might reach out and tell the guy I changed my mind.

But then again, I might continue to hide my light under a bushel.

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Make It Count

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“Eat that frog,” says personal development guru Brian Tracy.

This simply means to identify your most difficult task or tasks and complete them first. And Tracy wrote the BOOK on this.

With those tasks out of the way, the rest of your day should be easy-peasy.

If you knew you had to eat a frog, why would you wait? Get that shit over with, right?

That frog could be an uncomfortable conversation, a challenging component of a project, a fitness routine or more.

Instead of having that sucker jumping around and taunting you all day – ribbit-ribbit-ribbiting – catch that slimy thing and chow down.

I start my day with a to-do list, and my girlfriend thinks I might be a little bit too rigid about it. She might be right, but I know myself. The idea of starting the day without some sort of agenda drives me nuts.

Sometimes, though, I find myself mired in minutiae.  

When this happens and I do gown a particular rabbit hole, I realize I have failed to prioritize.

I’m not getting any younger, and somebody once said that how we spend our days is how we spend our lives . Another personal development heavyweight, Denis Waitley, used the phrase “majoring in minors” to describe what I am talking about.

And this majoring in minors, this busy work, is usually an indication that something meaningful is being avoided – something that scares us.

For some, success is just as scary as failure – maybe scarier.

If we fail, we can lean on the psychological schema that feeds our depression and lies to us, like, “I knew I couldn’t do this. Who was I fooling, thinking I could do that…”

If we succeed, we might fall victim to impostor syndrome: “What if they find out what a fraud I am…”

Bullshit.

Eat that frog.

Keep Going

I have heard about God’s timing versus our timing.

I have also heard about waiting on the Lord.

But I have also heard about taking the bull by the horns.

There have been times in my life where I have pushed issues and personal agendas, like a desperate salesman trying for a close at any cost, leaving no space for serendipity or an organic interaction.

There’s also something about trusting God while keeping our hand on the plow.

Now we’re getting somewhere.

I think the balance lies in taking action and doing the work while trusting God for the outcome.

I believe in the power of intention, of setting goals without dwelling on what author Mike Dooley calls the “cursed hows.”

If we are moving toward a worthy goal or ideal, it seems silly to get mired in the “what-ifs.”

How many times have we short-circuited our intentions by second-guessing and catastrophizing?

How many times have we thrown up our hands in self-imposed defeat because things haven’t been moving as fast as we expected them to?

It’s like Russell Conwell’s “Acres of Diamonds” or Napoleon Hill’s “Three Feet from Gold” story – both of which indicate that one might not have to go far afield to find riches. They may, in fact, be right under one’s nose.

Keep going. Never mind the self-doubt. Acknowledge it if you must, kind of like, “I believe; help my unbelief” (Mark 9:24). I’s OK to admit our confidence might be flagging.

Maybe you should go eat something or take a nap.

Then get back to work.

But remember this: If you give up, somebody else is going to hit the mother lode just feet from where you stopped digging. Somebody will find the “interesting rock” you found in a stream and put on your mantel after you sold your house and see it for the diamond that it is.

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Progress, Not Perfection

My son sent me a meme with this saying. In that case, it had to do with fitness and strength training. The upshot of that was when a person notices a plateau, it’s time to change up their routine.

But wait a minute.

When I saw it, though, the saying spoke to me. It resonated because that’s how I view my life, my personal progress when it comes to writing.

Kent Kimes, former editor at at the bygone Weekly Surge used to admonish me to write in a more linear way – and that made sense when I was working on cover stories for the alt-weekly. I needed to make friends with linear writing when it came to these types of stories. When I started, I tended to be all over the map, lacking cohesiveness.

My current editor, Charles Perry at the Post and Courier Myrtle Beach, has been kind enough to get under the hood with my stories, resulting in a tighter pieces. I told him that I try to pay attention to these changes so that they will inform my future writing. I have not yet mastered this, but I’m getting there – I think.

Other editors have also helped me over the years, particularly Charles C. Duncan when he was at The Sun News, and former Post and Courier editor Andy Shain.

Other editors I have known over the years include Jason Rodriguez, first at The Sun News – and later the Post and Courier Myrtle Beach. It was J-Rod who first gave me the opportunity to write for The Post and Courier. Abby Sink became editor at Weekly Surge when Kent left, but she was the longtime art director there first. There was Caroline Evans at the Sun News, who gave me leeway to write long profiles. Former Sun News executive editor/general manager Stephanie Pedersen showed me the ropes with listicles, and I did a weekly entertainment listicle there for probably two years.

For a time, I contributed stories to Vicki Grooms at the Sun News and Randal Seyler at Post and Courier Myrtle Beach. I think this completes my roll call.

Duncan once gave me back a manuscript and had me sit at a conference table until I slashed my word count considerably. Later, he was also gracious enough to give me some Journo 101 advice.

Some, like Charles Perry and Andy Shain, were more hands-on, tightening up and rearranging on their own.

Kimes’ way was to mark up my stories in the comment section in Word documents – prodding me on to tighter writing.  

I didn’t go to J-school, so I consider these editors to have been my professors. I am happy to count many of them as friends.

And my nonlinear progress continues with a foray into magazine work thanks to Paul Grimshaw, who invited me to collaborate on a HOLIDAY ROUNDUP for Grand Strand Magazine. From there, I got the green light from editor and publisher Pete Banko to contribute my first-ever feature. if you like, you can read that HERE.

But what you just read just violated the very thrust of what I wanted to write about.

Progress is not linear.

In fitness and in life. 

Sometimes we have a goal in mind, but fate intervenes with something surprising.  An opportunity, a chance meeting, a new direction.

It’s up to us to stay flexible.

Success leaves clues – but we must remain open while on our paths.

The detour might just be the way.

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Feeling Stuck? Do Something!

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For the most part, the things we worry about never come to pass.

For years, I have heard that by setting our intentions, we usually hit the mark.

There is a welling up of enthusiasm that needs release, like a pregnancy of possibility.

I have long believed that action is the antidote for anxiety.

I came across this quote in the course of my daily reading:

“Anxiety isn’t a problem, it is a symptom of a problem. (Unresolved stuck energy.)” – Jason Leister

Makes sense.

Some of my friends have pointed out, and rightly so, that some anxiety has to do with body chemistry and requires medical treatment. So noted.

But still – unresolved stuck energy.

That fear of making an important phone call. That putting off of a project that could set your life on a different and better course. That showing up at a gathering that could put you in front of the people that could make a positive impact on your life….

The gnawing feeling that you are not doing what you should, not even taking the first step toward meaningful change. The knowing that if you don’t do something, you’ll be in the same place you were last week, last month, last year…

Start with a single pushup. Prime the pump by calling someone safe. Pick up the phone. Send that card. Knock on that door. Work on that long put-off  project for fifteen minutes. Help somebody.

No plan needs to be perfect.

“A good plan, violently executed now, is better than a perfect plan next week” — George Patton

There are uncomfortable things that need to be done to get you into a better situation. Steel yourself. Do them.

There are things you can do now to bring you peace, prosperity, joy…

Stop living on Someday Isle…

Your energy can be resolved. You fill find relief in your solar plexus. Your blood pressure will likely improve. Your sense of self will be restored.

There is nothing wrong with baby steps.

As long as we are walking toward or walking away.

You know what to do. You always did.

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Cosmic Whac-A-Mole

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A phrase came to me the other day when I was thinking about what self-improvement heavyweight Napoleon Hill called a “Definite Chief Aim.”

It makes sense to me that one objective should be paramount. One pursuit should be our top priority.

The fact that I have long struggled with this comes as no surprise because I love writing and music equally. I still believe that these two things and coexist, dovetailing into cohesiveness.

But add much more to the mix and I get into trouble.

What about podcasting? Can that be inserted into the formula as well?

See where I’m going with this? Fragmentation threatens.

The phrase is this: Cosmic Whac-A-Mole.

I thought it was brilliant, thank you very much.

Think about it: If we don’t have a specific objective in mind as we go through our days, we tend to live lives of reaction – constantly pounding away at distractions and so-called emergencies when they pop up. And oftentimes our mental mallets miss the mark as these things disappear from sight. It’s an endless cycle. The distractions keep popping up, and we take aim at them again…and again.

No roadmap. No rudder. No setting of the sail. Circling with no place to land. Flapping in the wind.

The next new and shiny object.

But what if the moles that keep popping up are worthy ideas? What if, like me, you can’t seem to decide which pursuit should take the top spot?

In 2015, a woman named Emilie Wapnick coined the term “multipotentialite” to describe “a person who has many different interests and creative pursuits in life.”

Wapnick created a website called Puttylike, an online community dedicated to multipotentialites far and wide.

Here’s more from her site:

Multipotentialites have no “one true calling” the way specialists do. Being a multipotentialite is our destiny. We have many paths and we pursue all of them, either sequentially or simultaneously (or both).

Multipotentialites thrive on learning, exploring, and mastering new skills. We are excellent at bringing disparate ideas together in creative ways. This makes us incredible innovators and problem solvers.

When it comes to new interests that emerge, our insatiable curiosity leads us to absorb everything we can get our hands on. As a result, we pick up new skills fast and tend to be a wealth of information.

Wapnick’s TEDx talk has been viewed more than eight million times, and for those like me, it’s well worth the 12 minutes. Check it out HERE.

The mile-wide-inch-deep concept is not lost on me. We live in the age of the specialist. But not everyone is cut from that cloth.

Something to think about.

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Not So Woo-Woo

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I was listening to a recording of Jim Rohn the other day, and the late self-improvement legend said that the way things are is different from the way we think things are.

I need to pay attention to that.

I don’t think I’m alone in this. How many times do we overthink and catastrophize certain scenarios, only to discover that we made up a fiction – that the things we brooded about never came to pass?

On the other hand, if you believe that thoughts become things, you are treading on dangerous ground by dwelling on and ruminating about negative outcomes. If you consciously plant that seed, your subconscious will run with it – setting up conditions to manifest that reality.

Rohn was practical, and he avoided anything resembling woo-woo thinking. In fact, he famously said that affirmation without discipline is the beginning of delusion. By affirming “I am broke,” Rohn said that this could be just the motivation we need to make a change.

Conversely, affirming that you are healthy, happy and terrific without taking action to make this so was the height of folly as far as Rohn was concerned.

Action is key.

If we realize that our perception of a certain reality is likely not the actual reality, we can adjust our thinking to bring us in line with more positive outcomes.

If you feel slighted by somebody, you must first determine if this is a perceived slight. If you think this is an overt slight, you have a choice to make. As tough as this may seem, you can approach the person and ask about it. You might be surprised to learn that the person might have been having a rough day and that you were merely collateral damage. You might even get an apology.

If you hurt somebody and they no longer want to speak to you, there’s not a lot you can do about that – short of asking them what happened. But don’t expect that this person owes you anything, even an explanation.

 Examine your conscience. If you have wronged anybody, apologize quickly.

The real danger lies in the expenditure of psychic energy on lost causes.

In our journeys through life, we will find our people.

Be kind to yourself. Don’t ever try to be somebody you are not.

As James Taylor sang, “Try not to try too hard – it’s just a lovely ride.”

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Showing Up

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For the past couple of weeks, I have been “showing up” for my fitness commitments.

I have been running three times a week at working out twice.

As I have mentioned before, I can only blame myself for late waking, and this can throw a spanner into the works. But I have been marking certain items on my to-do list, the “frogs” that speaker and author Brian Tracy suggested that we eat…

Working out and running should have as much priority and my daily writing and piano work.

Yesterday I almost blew off heading to my workout because I woke up late and had other items on my list that I wanted to take care of, including getting familiar with a new multitrack recorder I recently ordered.

But something inside me impelled me to throw on my workout clothes and jump in the car.

Last week, I did the same thing – and I said out loud, “I’m here!”

I spend a lot of time in my office. It’s my little cocoon. My desk is here, my piano is here, my books are here. My decent office chair is here…

Once here, it’s hard to imagine trekking outside. My interior life is strong in this office.

But as I approach 60, the discipline of a fitness regimen is something I know I need, especially because and in spite of the fact that I never really made an effort to do much of it as a younger man.

I look to my son as a shining example of such discipline. The man totally transformed himself beginning in high school and earlier – and I am lucky to have my son as my coach.

With each effort, with every run and weight-training session, I am developing a foundation for a vibrant and active third act.

The time will pass anyway, as they say – and I mean to strike a balance.

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Stop. Think. React. Repeat.

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“The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind.” – William James

Attitude is everything.

This has long been the mantra of personal development gurus, and although perhaps stated differently over the years, it all comes down to this: If we can control our attitude, we can control our outcomes.

On the surface, this might seem trite – but is it?

I think it was Napoleon Hill who stated that the one thing we have control over is our attitude – the fact that we can decide how to respond in every situation.

Before I get on some sort of high horse here, I need to say that I struggle with this, despite the fact that I have immersed myself in the work of the aforementioned Hill and other heavy-hitters like Tony Robbins, Brian Tracy, Jim Rohn and more for decades.

The struggle, for me, is all about the rubber meeting the road.

Intellectually, I get that we have the capacity to weigh our responses before we open our mouths or scrunch up our faces, and we have the freedom to choose things like tone and body language when faced with the words and actions of others.

But the skill lies in the application of what we know.

Sometimes my attitude gets me in Dutch with my girlfriend.

For Brenda, it’s all about my tone – the way I respond at times to what she has to say – the way I blurt out responses or statements, sometimes with an air of impatience or worse, imperiousness.

These ill-chosen responses stop her cold and can sometimes result in an awkward vibe of my own making.

These moments can be avoided if I get out of my head and learn to be more present. Yes, that’s an overused phrase – being present – but it’s overused because it’s true. How can I expect to enjoy a kind and easygoing exchange if my off-the-cuff responses and body language indicate that I am somewhere else – that I am not in the moment, not present – that I am bothered?

And in the wider world, I know that Zig Ziglar was right when he said that our attitude determines our altitude.

Baby steps. We can choose our responses, and I aim to prove that this is possible more often than not.

Complaint Department

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Everybody has something to complain about.

It doesn’t matter how little or how much money you have, whether you live in a gated community or are homeless – or whether you drive a Lamborghini or an old bicycle.

I am considered a happy person by my friends and family – and folks who barely know me. I think this is because my default is to smile and to be kind to others.

I would consider myself a happy person, for the most part. Fraught sometimes – but essentially happy.

I have also steeped myself in all sorts of personal development and self-help material for the bulk of my life. You know, the stuff that is big on the importance of attitude, of putting out what you want to get back and of visualizing positive outcomes.

The danger, they say, of complaining is that we set up various self-fulfilling prophesies; bringing into existence or amplifying those things we complain about.

Know what I mean? Like saying “I can’t” or “I hate” or “It’s just my luck,” “I’ll never be able to do that,” and so forth.

I believe that the spoken word is powerful. You need only look at the Old Testament, the story of how God spoke the world into existence to see what I mean. Whether you believe that story or not is beside the point.

But lately I have begun to notice that I have not been as positive as I can be.

I grumble.

This could happen on the road when somebody cuts me off or (as is happening much more frequently) my upstairs neighbors stomp around at all hours. Note the word choice: stomp. That word is damning in itself.

Like, do my neighbors stomp around on purpose or do they have no idea that this reverberates down to our place? I am beginning to think the construction here is half-assed, and that would contribute so some of it – and my girlfriend suggested that there is no underlayment between their laminate flooring and the sub-floor – and/or my neighbors might not give a shit.

Am I supposed to tell them not to walk around up there, or drag bodies or Steinways around?

We have gone upstairs to tell them to stop playing loud music in the middle of the night, and of course this is something they should be mindful about anyway.

I don’t want this post to become a rant about my neighbors, but you get the idea.

My point is this: We all have something to complain about – but at what point does complaining become counterproductive?

And as for those people on the roads – the best I can do is to stay vigilant.

I also have a tendency to be judgy. I don’t think Jesus, Jim Rohn or Napoleon Hill would approve – and I need to address that tendency.

I believe happiness is a choice, and that our reactions matter when it comes to our well-being.

I also know that I have some work to do in those departments.

How about you?